I had a friend tell me a story about another mom telling her daughter to go put lip gloss on before she left the house. And when the child who is nine years old asks why the mother's answer is "because your lips should always look glossy."
You could analyze this until the cows came home, but I'm going to go off on some tangents first. This got me thinking about my childhood.
My mom dreamed about dressing her only daughter in the frilly dresses with two perfect braids tied with pretty bows, but instead she got the daughter that wanted to wear her hair loose and play soccer with the boys (dresses didn't always work out). Now my mom never critiqued me on anything I wore or told me she didn't like what I was wearing, but I knew at certain times she didn't care for my style and would prefer something more girly. Not that she didn't teach me the basics about fashion or other girl things, but I had a mind of my own and chose to implement what I thought was best for me. I have a point so bear with me.
If you can push the time travel button and hop back to when you were in 4th or 5th grade (about 1985) when the Punky Brewster era was in full blast, I had a pair of red stir up pants, yellow shimmery button down long dress shirt, and two layered socks to match. At the time I thought that outfit was the coolest thing, but looking back on it I probably looked like the ketchup and mustard on a hotdog. No one ever said anything about that outfit (I understand kids are crueler today), not my friends, not my brothers, not my mom. Maybe people talked behind my back, but I was in a blissfully happy world and never new if they did or didn't. Even an old friend from Kindergarten still remembers our first day on the bus together and what I was wearing. I actually didn't remember what I was wearing, but she reminded me I had on a pair of red corduroy overalls (to this day I still wear a lot of red, I love it). Even back then red corduroy overalls weren't cool, but she became my friend anyway. My point here is people will like you for who you are and not what you wear.
As long as it is weather appropriate and age appropriate, I never tell my girls what to wear. Even when a plaid skirt is worn with a poka dotted shirt and striped tights. Now my mom has changed her views because she constantly is trying to get my kids to match their clothes, but they've learned that when we go to see grandma they put on matching clothes (at home they revert back to what they want to wear). No matter what I tell my three girls (with three completely different personalities and fashion styles) they are going to still choose their own style (the apples don't fall far from the tree). Whether your child hates to wear lip gloss or likes to wear soft pants instead of jeans, why not let them?
As for the mother insisting on the lip gloss, I don't know if she is looking to bring back the Donna Reid era, but are we any different than she is?
Whether you're a parent pushing your child hard in a sport or a parent telling your child they have to wear a certain name brand of clothing, aren't we all looking for the same thing? For our children to fit in, but are we going to far? Yes. I believe parents today are the problem (I've witness some parents do some pretty extreme things to make sure their kid was part of the crowd). If our child isn't perfect in the public's eye, we try to make them conform to be like everyone else or to be normal. What the hell is normal anyway?
I am definitely far from the perfect mother, but I will measure my parenting success on if my children find their inner happiness and become confident in who they are and not what someone tells them they should be. I have a lot of confidence to share (Nik and Mike, I know you're smiling on that one) so I hope to lead by example. Only time will tell.
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