Child #1 Got Game

James asked Child #1, if she was okay with him missing her soccer game last week.

Child #1 answered, “I don’t even care if my sisters show up to the game. I just need to work on my game, Dad.” Of course, this was said in a matter of fact tone.

Your kids’ answers to questions have to be the funniest part about parenthood.

Although, today Child #1 did score her first goal. She obviously has been working on her game.

Psycho Soccer Mom... Who me?

As predicted by my husband, I have become the psycho soccer mom.

I have to start from the beginning so bare with me.

I signed Child #1 for a soccer club. Now when you pay good money for a program that is supposed to be a step up from the park and rec, you have a certain level of skills you expect your child to learn.

With that being said, I volunteered my husband to be coach (my husband has played soccer from age six to high school where he went to state twice and had an opportunity to play for the Milwaukee Wave, that is before he put a saw through his foot, but that isn’t the point) hoping to improve the quality of the program. Unfortunately, he wasn’t picked for the job (I didn’t think we had to list his whole resume for the job). He wasn’t even picked for assistant coach (and we have two assistant coaches).

So guess what we ended up with as coaches. I bet you won’t guess in a million years.

Drum roll. We get a F@$%&#$ ex-football punter coach with two assistant coaches that have no coaching skills whatsoever.

Practices are too early for me to make so James has been taking Child #1 to all the practices. He has been filling me in on what has been happening at practice so I am a little agitated already by the time we get to our first game.

We show up for the first game. The other team is organized and running drills before the game. All three of our coaches are standing around talking while the girls stand in line not knowing what to do.

At this point, my skin has turned red from my boiling temper. I am ready to go out on the field and start guiding them in skills to get them warmed up. James has to hold me back. I am supposed to give them the benefit of the doubt. Right?

The game starts and our team has no idea what to do. And our awesome football coach (Everyone hustles in soccer including the coaches, THIS ISN'T FOOTBALL) is not doing anything to help the girls get into position. Frankly there is no communication whatsoever. This is all about learning positions and rules. Sport teams are all about organization and teamwork. I am seeing none of this.

I get it. It is supposed to be fun, but come on. There has to be some kind of skill building here. I think our team was so confused they didn’t know which way to go on the field. Even with being pissed, I still cheered on loyally for our team. A few times I had to walk away to cool off, but I behaved the rest of the game.

I am not even sure it’s a good idea for me to show up to the rest of the games, but I will risk it for my daughter.

Well, this probably just marked me as the bitchy mom around school. Oh well. This is only the tip of the iceberg. Child #2 and #3 will be joining in the spring.

Baseball vs. Football

So we take all three girls to baseball game. We do the whole nine yards, tailgating and cracker jacks. We get to our seats. The game starts. We’re at the bottom of the first inning, up to bat and Bernie Brewer goes down his slide. This holds the girls attention for awhile waiting for him to go down the slide again (Bernie goes down the slide every time we hit a home run).

We’re into the second inning, when Child #3 asks, “When are the players going to start tackling each other?”

I respond, “This is baseball, sweetie, the players don’t tackle.”

Child #3 complains, “Awww, Mom, I want them to tackle each other.”

The only thing I can say without laughing is, “The tackling game is football not baseball.”

“But I still want them to tackle each other.”

What can I say?

Have you ever played…

…how long can you go without buying groceries?

Go ahead raise your hand. I won’t tell.

Well, I have. Occasionally, life gets in the way of going to the grocery store.

On a regular schedule, I go to the grocery store about every 7 days. I prefer to go on the weekends even though I hate wasting my spare time grocery shopping. Otherwise, I am stuck going during the week, which I only have a small window to actually get to the store (usually during my lunch hour or after dinner).

Anyway, I haven’t been to the store in about 14 days now. Things are pretty slim in the good old refrigerator. We do end up eating out more, but it is kind of fun to see what we can come up with for dinner.

Ants on a log with crackers works. You have your vegetable (celery), fruit (raisins), grain (crackers) and protein (peanut butter combined with milk is a complete protein). Viola, you have a complete meal.

Where did the fun go?

As a kid, I really liked roller coasters, rock climbing, climbing mountains, hiking trails, mountain biking, camping, anything adventurous. You know what I’m talking about when you were young and stupid. You thought you were invincible. I loved anything that gave you that adrenaline rush. In fact, I sought it out. Well maybe that wasn’t exactly true. It was more like if someone challenged me.

Anyhow, the tickle you use to get in your stomach on carnival rides when you were a kid doesn't exactly mean the same thing as an adult. The view of the ground at the top of the Ferris Wheel at the local festival was quite scary when you have two of your children sitting next to you and your husband has the other one in a different seat. All the worst images that you could think of started to float through my mind. The bucket we were in would break and we would all fall to our death. The wheel comes unattached and we fall to our death. The wheel stops and we are stuck at the top for hours. Then the “What ifs” start. Okay so maybe I am being a little dramatic, but I couldn’t help myself. I don’t just have myself to worry about anymore. I have three little lives that I have to protect and worry about.

Basically, the Ferris Wheel wasn’t as fun as it was when I was a kid. However, my kids did enjoy themselves greatly, which in turn made me happy.